The Great Emu War

How hard would it be to exterminate some dumb birds? Harder than you think...

In the annals of military history, there are tales of epic battles, cunning strategies, and heroic victories. And then there's the Great Emu War of 1932, a conflict so bizarre it sounds like a rejected plot for a Monty Python sketch.

In 1932 Australia is in the grip of the Great Depression. After World War I, Australian veterans settled on marginal farmland in Western Australia find that they are struggling to grow wheat. As if dry-land farming wheat in the unforgiving climate during a global depression wasn't enough, they suddenly face an invasion by tens of thousands of emus migrating in search of food and water.

Emus aren't your average bird. Standing as tall as a human and weighing just as much, these flightless avians are basically velociraptors with feathers and a slightly cockier attitude. They're fast, they're tough, and they have absolutely no respect for fences or wheat fields.  When threatened, emus typically attack by kicking with their powerful legs, each with a sharp claw, aiming for the legs, abdomen, or chest of their perceived attacker. You do not want to raise the ire of a wild emu.

Emus frequently broke through farmers’ fences, creating holes that then allowed rabbits (see the previous eco-disaster in Australia) in to do more damage. Further, when emus eat crops, they trample anything growing nearby, causing even more damage to plants.

The 1932 drought caused an unusually large migration causing massive damage to wheat crops in Western Australia, particularly in the Campion district.

The farmers, at their wits' end, appealed to the government for help. The government, in a moment of what can only be described as "unique problem-solving," decided to send in the military. Because nothing says "we take your concerns seriously" like declaring war on a bunch of birds.

Major Gwynydd Purves Wynne-Aubrey Meredith and his crack team of two other soldiers, armed with two Lewis machine guns and 10,000 rounds of ammunition. Their mission: to defeat the feathered emu menace and save Australia's wheat. What could possibly go wrong?

As it turns out, everything. The emus, displaying a tactical genius that would make Sun Tzu proud, refused to stand still in neat rows to be mowed down. Instead, at the first shot, they scattered at high speed, running faster than the soldiers could aim. When the military tried to ambush a flock of 1,000 emus, their high-tech guns jammed after a few rounds. It was as if the birds had hired Murphy as their defensive coordinator.

Major Meredith, growing increasingly frustrated, noted that the emus could "face machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks." One can almost hear the resignation in his voice as he realized he was being outmaneuvered by creatures with brains the size of walnuts.

After six days of this avian embarrassment, the military withdrew, having expended thousands of rounds to kill maybe a few hundred emus. The birds, meanwhile, continued their destructive march through the wheat fields, probably high-fiving each other with their tiny wings.

The government, realizing that perhaps this wasn't their finest hour, switched tactics. They introduced a bounty system, essentially turning emu hunting into a national sport. This proved somewhat more effective, with around 57,000 bounties claimed in six months.

In the end, the only real solution was to build much better fences, a strategy that took humans embarrassingly long to figure out considering they'd been using fences since the Neolithic age.

The 1,200 km-long State Barrier Fence, a robust fence originally built to exclude introduced rabbits from farmland, was given an additional purpose to also prevent the natural movements of emus, many of which succumb to starvation and injury at the barrier. Despite being birds, they are unable to fly and haven’t yet managed to leap over the 5 foot fence.  Writing in The Conversation, Deakin University ecologist Don Driscoll comments that “The fence has now been turned against native fauna.” What bullets and machine guns couldn’t accomplish, a very long, very strong fence could.

The Great Emu War stands as a testament to human hubris and avian cunning. It's a reminder that sometimes, nature has a way of reminding us of who's really in charge. And if you ever find yourself facing off against an emu, remember, they've defeated the best that the Australian military had to offer. Your best bet is to offer them some wheat and back away slowly.

You’ve been warned. 

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For more details, see the Wikipedia Emu War page.